The University of Life
The University of Life podcast has become my personal collection of fascinating learnings from the people I meet and experiences I have as I explore life and journey deeper in to the space of business mentoring & life coaching.
The University of Life
The University of Life & Jonathan Jackson
Join me for a candid conversation about personal freedom, authenticity, and transformation.
In this episode, I dive into the journey of embracing one’s sexual identity and how platforms like OnlyFans can empower creators with Jonathan Jackson.
He addresses common misconceptions, particularly around male sexuality, and explains how creators on these platforms maintain control over their content and boundaries, promoting both autonomy and self-expression.
We also explore the process of self-discovery and healing, especially in environments where being true to oneself can be difficult. We’ll talk about how suppressing your identity can affect your mental and physical health, and share personal stories of overcoming these obstacles. You’ll discover the deep connection between self-identity and sexual energy, and how experiencing genuine love and pleasure can lead to a more fulfilling life.
Finally, we discuss the stigmas surrounding the sex industry, shedding light on the liberating aspects of platforms like OnlyFans. We discuss the entrepreneurial skills needed to succeed, the importance of maintaining personal boundaries, and how to prioritize mental well-being.
This episode offers a compassionate and insightful perspective on intimacy, sex, and the power of self-acceptance.
If ever you'd like to connect, please don't hesitate to connect via my website www.jamiewhite.com.
I am always open to feedback, reflections, guest / subject recommendations and anything else that might come up.
Thank you for listening, Jamie x
So I'm going to ask you the real cliche question are you ready?
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:How do you tell aunts, uncles, conservative family and friends what you do?
Speaker 2:You don't? No, I'm just kidding. Well, mainly for now it's been I'm so proud of what I do, I'm so happy that I've chose it. I haven't expressed fully to family members not all family members about what it is that I'm doing. Um, not that there's any shame in it, it's just that I almost want to. It obviously comes with its own kind of identity and I just want to be patient with it. Um, in terms of, like you know, my cousins or close friends, I've kind of had to be like, okay, to sit down, I am doing OnlyFans and you know it's not what you think it is, but it isn't. At the same time, but it's mainly been a place where I've been able to finally feel really empowered about my sexuality. I feel free, I feel it's been really self self-healing, it's been really amazing for me it's such a.
Speaker 1:It's such a, I'd say, a confronting or contrasting thought for you to be saying, hey look, my journey into OnlyFans has been really self-healing, yeah, and confidence building, but most people be like wait a second now. Is this not like? Are you not traumatizing yourself for life and cutting yourself off from all the opportunities life has to present to you? Yeah, and you would say no I would.
Speaker 2:I would say no, yeah, and I think what I'm learning right, I've just, I've justFans. I'm not even a year in, I'm on there and I'm quite bold about everything that I do. And you know, even before I started, I was like I want to make sure that I know what I'm doing, and I've always been that way. I'm like I want to know that the decision I'm making is the right one and it's the right one for me. You know, and it's like I've run it over in my mind, I've gone over it and I thought about it, thought about it, pondered on it, and I'm like I know that this is, this is meant for me, this is actually what I'm meant to be doing, which sounds really wild, I know no, but as you share that, there's almost like a radiant energy, yeah, likes of which, like we, we so associate, like you're passionate about what you do.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it feels good, it's aligning and it's actually helping. Whatever is inside blossom out yeah so when you, when you were talking to like cousins and stuff, and you were like it's not what you think, yeah like when you're, if you were to describe hey look, this is what most people think it is yeah actually. Here's what it really is. What would that look like for you?
Speaker 2:I guess it's more along the lines of just being like you're. It's up to you to show how much you want to show, it's up to you to do as much as you want to do.
Speaker 2:Right, so technically, you're your own business on there and um, you're selling your own packages or your own deals, whatever the case is, and we love the product yeah, right, so I'm not, I'm not my own package deal, um, and but again, you get to call those shots, you get to push it to whatever extent you're you are comfortable with. It's all about your own comfortability within your space that you're making Right, um, and so what it looks like is I'm just expressing myself sexually, by the way, which I've never, I've never, really ever been able to do, which now I feel like that. That radiance that you're talking about is that part of me that's coming out, which now I feel like that, that radiance that you're talking about is that part of me that's coming out sorry, I would say.
Speaker 1:Few men are ever able to express themselves sexually that is it's.
Speaker 2:It's so understood.
Speaker 1:Yes, absolutely and so when you're sharing that, like, what is it to express yourself sexually?
Speaker 2:oh, my god. I mean, obviously there's so much that we're taught to be like, ashamed of that. We're taught to be like. You know me as a gay man and also growing up in the south, those are two. Those are things that don't really, they don't go along right, and so I've just always been taught to be ashamed of so much of my own sexual identity, which I never really got to explore. You know how much of a sexual being I am. It wasn't until my mid to late 20s that that started to unravel, and that was when I, you know, I had I'd moved here, where we, where we live, and I started doing healing within myself and through that it was like this awakening of all this sexual energy that was coming through my body that I literally never knew existed. I didn't know it was there, and throughout the years, you know, like in relationships and then just on my own, I started exploring it more and then realizing like I I'm starting to heal, even with my own encounters with other partners you know, even when I'm just exploring my own body within myself, giving myself the permission to do that let me rewind there, because
Speaker 1:there's so much that you're sharing. So one. What I'm hearing is that like okay, yeah, we as men, we grow up and there's a lot of shame, like whether it's covering up in the showers and covering up your body, whether there's a huge amount of comparing and contrasting we always hear about, like how there's so much fat shaming and stuff from female world but, that all goes on as a man.
Speaker 1:A man too and you become very, very complicated with regards to your body, with regards to your head, also, what's attractive, what's not. And what I'm hearing from you is that, like when you came to bali, you had time to actually just sit with yourself a little bit and figure yourself out a little bit and you said, okay, as a gay man, in terms of your sexuality, would that have come? Was that still, let's say, up for grabs? Yeah, pre coming to bali, you said like mid to late 20s, or had you been like no, no, no, I'm definitely gay. When does that come into the equation?
Speaker 2:I had always known I was gay. I had always known I was gay and then I really put the label on it, you know, after high school.
Speaker 1:So that was, that was like 2010 okay, so for whatever, and I, I don't want to put a couple words on there, but that was actually. That's a known journey in itself.
Speaker 2:It definitely is the journey within that was like in the South trying to figure out what being gay meant. Right, you know, in the South it's just pushed down when you say the South, what does that mean? So the South like in North Carolina, so like North Carolina, South Carolina, Louisiana.
Speaker 1:No, no, no, it's like man from the philippines meeting you in bali. When you say the south, I'm like, where could this be?
Speaker 2:I'm in your. Yeah, I'm so sorry. That is like my american mind being like the south, the only south in the world, um, yeah, so the south of america, yeah, um, where our hair was bigger. But that was its own journey of me finding out how to explore my sexuality. So I feel like me since then pushing that down right, anything sexual in that way I had kind of suppressed. And what I mean by me coming to Bali and literally working with people mean by me coming to bali and literally working with people through like healing techniques, you know, through blockages within your body, and healing like mentally and physical attributes within yourself I feel bold, I'm rewinding you again yeah, but when you say, okay, suppressed.
Speaker 1:What was it that would be suppressed? Um my that, it was my identity and yeah ah, okay, so you as like your personality, your how you show up in the world, how you dress in the world, how you talk, everything that like really, and when you say kind of suppressed, it's almost locked up in anxiety or locked up in complicated thinking that renders you just staying in rather than being out.
Speaker 2:Yeah, okay, and so that was my identity and I was suppressing it. But what I didn't realize was, because it never got to blossom during that time when it probably should have a fundamental time, in your teenage years to your adult years, I didn't realize the connection between myself, myself and, like, my sexual energy. That didn't come out till my late 20s, until recently sorry.
Speaker 1:So so what I'm recognizing, one is that that, like suppressed, sense of self is universal right, oh, absolutely but what I'm hearing from you and I've kind of never put these together, but it it makes so much sense is that when you're suppressing who you are as a person and that's, yeah, your personality traits, your expression in terms of how you show up- how you present yourself and as well like your sexual preferences, desires.
Speaker 1:If all of that is being suppressed, when you're talking about sexual energy, what I'm feeling is like orgasmic energy. I'm feeling like a buzz of excitement and pleasure. Well, if all of, if all of that beforehand is suppressed, you're gonna be having quite numb sexual experiences, but little by little, as you start letting yourself out and your energy flow, you're gonna feel a hell of a lot more. And that's what you're speaking to originally that is, you literally had it.
Speaker 2:I mean, you got it perfectly right. My so like, so much so that I think I had my first taste of what love may have been when I was 28, 29, and because I had nothing to compare it to ever in my life before I didn't know what it was Like, I was going around to my friends being like I can't stop thinking about this guy. It's like really painful actually, and I'm getting really upset, like I feel like I'm almost becoming obsessed or fixated and I can't sleep. He's in my dreams and this and that, and they're like Jay, I think that's love and it's because I had no way of ever experiencing before Cause I've never, I've never had it and, like you said, having numb sex.
Speaker 2:I thought the sex I was having was normal, you know, and I'd listen to people tell me about their sexual experiences, or you know like, oh, their last Friday night they went home with this guy or this girl and it was like completely, you know they like black. Friday night they went home with this guy or this girl and it was like completely, you know, they like black, like they went away to another dimension. The sex was so good. I was like I. I do not know what you mean. I don't.
Speaker 1:I don't understand that um, I don't think most people would understand that but really yeah, and I, I like I, because I think, I, I think most of us are bottled up. But yeah, and that's actually why I wanted to break it down, because I wanted to break it down for myself to properly understand it, like when we talked about locked up, like it's locked up in our thoughts yeah, it's locked up in our ideas of what's okay and what's not, and we cripple ourselves with kind of like almost like an anxiety that knocks our confidence and knocks everything else yeah and then creates this numbness and this awkwardness where, for perhaps, for whatever you get up to, you don't actually get to feel, you don't get to enjoy, because there's just so many layers of complication and stress wrapped around everything
Speaker 2:yeah, I, I would say that's quite, quite normal which is sad and that, and that's the thing is now that I'm starting to realize and I'm able to now that I'm kind of on the other side, I guess, to say I can like look back and I do have a sadness for me when I was younger, but like a strong, strong appreciation, because I love myself so much and it took me so long to get to where I am and even the comfortability I didn't even think I'd ever get to a place like this, but that I'm like you know what, if we're all meant to do something with all these gifts that we have, right, and from such an early age you don't know how to use these fucking tools because no one's teaching anyone, right, no one. No one's like you had them, they're innate, but no one's teaching you correctly how to bring it all out.
Speaker 1:Yeah, in actual fact, what we're kind of talking to is this society is almost impressing itself upon us, and suffering is it suffocating us? In that regard, I'm getting.
Speaker 2:I'm literally I'm getting.
Speaker 2:I'm getting chills because I'm I'm so passionate about this because I know everyone has.
Speaker 2:There's something within everyone right, and even for me it's something that's like sex can be looked at as, or even your sexual energy or sex whatever. In regards to however you want to look at it, it can be looked at as such a dark thing sometimes, I think, with the way that people, you know they compare it to whatever you're in comparison to it with. But I, just now, I'm seeing it in such a different light. I'm seeing it with so much beauty and it's like this world has completely attached how it sees sex and how it's portraying sex out into the world with so much dark energy and I'm like I think I'm one of those people that have realized I have this strong, healing sexual energy within myself and I think it's always just been there and it it just felt like, you know, it kind of just radiated, like you said, out of me so can I ask you then, the practices essentially that you you did to work with yourself to actually help blossom out, and I'd be really curious like, what do they look like?
Speaker 2:so I, when I had first come to Bali, I actually I worked with a healer and this was a hard idea to kind of wrap my mind around, because I think a lot of people and anyone who's listening, who's like from the western world, might have a hard time understanding. But that energy can be trapped, as you know, can be trapped and stored in in our bodies during traumatic events. So basically, when we suppress things that aren't meant to be suppressed, you know, or if a traumatic event happens, this energy can be trapped in your body and it causes blockages. And so when I arrived to Bali, I had worked with a guy who, just with his hands and closing his eyes, had kind of fine tuned. He kind of went around my entire body and was able to pinpoint where all my blockages were, at which you know they all coincide. He knew you know they all coincide. He knew, you know it's like, oh, did you have this at this age? Oh, did something happen to you here at this at this age? You know, in that way, it's so confronting.
Speaker 1:I remember my first time meeting a healer here and he looked at me. He was like ah, you're blocked here. You haven't been having an honest conversation with your partner, no, no, no wait, your mum. You need to talk to her, not about something in the present, but something years ago, something around the age of 10, 12. That shook me, and I've had these kind of meetings and engagements where I sit down and they tune into either wherever I'm at in real time or perhaps unaddressed stuff from my past, and it's so frightening it is.
Speaker 2:It is frightening. I have a feeling you and I potentially be could be talking about a similar, because I had gone to another guy and he had blown my mind, because I went to many healers and this guy was he was accurate, but his words were so beautiful and like powerful and he's like an older guy. His name is Jim. Oh yeah, yeah, I had a feeling with the way that you were expressing him. I was like that's Jim, yeah, amazing, and he's amazing so he was this.
Speaker 2:The one I was talking about previously was a different guy. That guy was Balinese. He was amazing. He was the guy who first got me onto. There's something that is in you that's not entirely you and we're going to unblock it. When he pushed those blockages out of me, it was painful mentally and physically. I could feel it needed to leave my body, but I could feel it kind of it needed to leave my body, but I could feel it there right. So that was the beginning stages of me being like I think it was my libido starting to wake up after that experience yeah, this is fascinating, sorry.
Speaker 1:So what I'm hearing is that, like you, did real energy work where somebody could read your energy, see what was blocked and help you move. That which any experience I've had about it's like some of it is almost it feels like waving hands around, but other times it's very deep body work oh very in the moment it's very painful very painful quite emotional as well.
Speaker 1:I kind of feel out of sorts for a couple of days afterwards and then I feel lighter than I ever have. And then jim doyle, the, the Australian man who, jim Doyle, is amazing yeah, he is like a mind-body medicine extraordinaire who I'm just amazed he can recognize your blocks in a heartbeat and help you rewrite the internal scripts. So it's kind of a mix of therapy and at the same time, body work.
Speaker 2:He, that man, I and you were again. God, you're so good with your words, because you're so right, he was able. I walked into the door and, just like you, he like put his hand up. He was like at first. He was like are you living with any pain? And I said I'm not living with any. And he was like I have something to tell you. Every time, someone that I know walks in that door and says they're not living with any pain, they're living with the most. And then he was like I can already tell that you're walking with them.
Speaker 2:I'm walking with a slant, yeah. And I was like what does that mean? He was like, oh, one side goes down more than the other. And he was like that has to do with, like you know, the feminine and masculine. But he knew right away. He was like, without me even saying anything, he was like I'm so sorry and I was like for what? He was like for you losing your mom. And I was like, because it was after my mom died, I moved to la and it was like maybe 11 months after I moved to bali.
Speaker 1:And he knew right from the get-go why he could see that in you, with the way in which your physical body was shaped correct.
Speaker 1:So this is yeah it's real, it's very real stuff happening deep diving into this world for the last few years and it just it's. It blows my mind how and we kind of know it, to be honest like we know, when we're stressed and upset and depressed our heads dip and our posture kind of curls in. We also know when we're happy and proud, our chest comes up and our head comes up and our posture frames quite beautifully. So we know it in its simplicity. But what's amazed me is just actually the detail in which this goes and the way in which you can read. There's a man I'm working with at the moment Centerpoint Meditations and he can read someone in terms of where they're at and what they're worrying about and what are the issues, by the way in which your body leans.
Speaker 2:No way, it's crazy.
Speaker 1:So, guys, you went to all these different healers and, little by little, essentially, they helped perhaps move the stress that accumulated in your body. And what you've described is it's like hey look, my libido woke up, my confidence woke up and before I knew it, I wasn't overthinking certain things, I was stepping into myself more confidently and I went less kind of distracted.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it was exactly that. I think he, jim, was able to around my groin area and he was like which I know, like there's always been blockages there, and he was able to be like man. There's a lot, there's a lot here, you know, and really doing body work, like you said, like you know, it's really painful and, again, it was pretty crazy because you can feel the release happen and then you're almost like a little high and then you're extremely tired and it isn't until, like a day or two later, things start to lift and like shifts start happening. And so for me, of course, course, and just as all these healers have done, they kind of give you like a little bit of a, a guide on what to do afterwards so you can't do all this stuff.
Speaker 2:Which kind of this is what pisses me off. People expect to just get all this healing work done and they're going to feel amazing without doing the mental work as well. You know which. Again, everyone in their own time. But it's like you have to be ready. If you're putting your body through these changes and you're ready to make that shift physically, you need to do so as well mentally. And so I would, you know, combining those two, it was like that libido waking up. I mean it was pretty drastic in my case.
Speaker 1:So let me explore into that. Pretty drastic. So if you were to be like Jamie, whereas before I would have done this, now I was comfortably doing that, Before I was thinking this, now it wasn't even what comes up for you in that kind of frame.
Speaker 2:So it was in terms of being, in terms of physical like, I guess, just like every guy you know kind of struggles either like with, I guess, if it's like keeping it up, or like how long, or like what gets you going, or like you know, whatever the case may be, mine started coming back to me after years of not having any drive, sexual drive and like being able to keep strong, I guess, in lack of better terms, um, which I found that interesting because I was like that's huh yeah, you know um, and so so it was.
Speaker 2:It was those physical attributes where I was like, oh, it's also my body, I guess, healing right. So mentally I feel like once I was kind of getting out of this dip where I was like doing some work, allowing myself to be like I'm not all those things that have happened before and I'm working through that. I think once you kind of shed this almost like ick or tar in your body and just letting more light come through, you kind of start to push all that darkness out and comes all those like flowing thoughts, the more organic, you know beautiful side of the thing. So it's like that's when I found myself physically starting to wake up and mentally starting to get excited about sex again and and and and partners and just people.
Speaker 1:This is so interesting for me as I'm hearing you speak. I remember back when I was around. Interesting for me as I'm hearing you speak. I remember back when I was around, when I was around 14 or 15, with somebody. I um was with a girl and I prematurely ejaculated, yeah, and I was so embarrassed, so ashamed yeah and um. In another kind of occasion a little while later, the same happened again.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and at a time where I should have been, let's say, been having so much fun, I retreated and I the idea of like engaging, engagement, because it put me so off, it brought up so much stress, it brought up so much like, oh my god, if they start talking about the shame, I would feel, oh, yeah, and, and so I get that like I, I just tied up so much yeah, which unfortunately, is like so much baggage, so much unnecessary crap well, yeah put on ourselves completely, I mean, and again, we all have to remember this is so normal, right, and I think, again, when we're led astray, when we're led wrong, we're not allowing our minds and brains, you know, like we're not allowing ourselves to consume what we need to consume properly, and so, for instance, you're consuming things that really maybe aren't meant for you or maybe are in, they're detrimental to your sexual well-being, or, you know, it's like this is how you, it's actually so layered, right, it's like maybe you're watching this type of porn because this is the stuff that you think is for you and what's healing, and really it's actually detrimental to you.
Speaker 2:And again, it's so normal, we all go through it and that's just the society that we live in. But it's like we all have to just do the work within ourselves to be like me as my own man and my own masculinity, regardless of being gay, straight, right, because you know, some people, I think, see that as different. But I feel like you just have to find out, like, what works for you. Who are you really like what? What awakens you? Like, you know, are you someone who, like, has that power to kind of have this beautiful, healing sex, you know, or do you hold it somewhere else, do we all have it? And that's kind of where I was, what I was facing, what I was coming to terms with.
Speaker 1:Wow, yeah, I completely appreciate that we burden ourselves so much by our thoughts around certain things, by our ideas around certain things we can lock ourselves up so much and it's interesting how much time and effort it takes to unlock all that, how tempting perhaps a tablet might be, or how oh god, yeah, but it's, it's. It's lovely to hear that like, yeah, you got time in your late 20s to to sit, and in the support of other men as well interesting usage of your healers, both of which were men.
Speaker 2:It's like wow it was so healing because that that they were men and it was really that was a big part of it. Actually, jim, as you know, actually has this almost like father figure feeling to him and again he hit on that too. He was like I see there's a lot of, you know, trauma here with like, almost like your father. He's like, we don't have to talk about it, but he was and he basically just told me he was like but I'll tell you this, and his words are so beautiful I actually cried um, almost like I might do now.
Speaker 2:But he was like you are one of the like few real gentlemen I've ever met. Just with your energy and who you are. He was like there's not a lot out there like you, and he also has a son who is, he's, mixed Asian as well, and he was like, if my son grows up to be anything like you, I would just be so proud and I fucking lost it. But to hear those words from someone like him, I was just like you know, kind of you know, if you've never told that from you know, let's say, someone like your dad, you're like, suddenly like ah, it's kind of it's for me.
Speaker 1:this is really interesting. I see you on the other side of the room and I see a man who's like really thought about his fashion, really thought about his look, very confident in himself, very like you know, there's a, let's say, a clarity or charisma in your voice. It's like, oh, this person's enjoying himself. And you're like I was like what do you do? And you're like, oh, I'm on OnlyFans. Like sometimes I don't know if I talk to people and they're on OnlyFans, like sometimes I don't know if I talk to people and they're on OnlyFans Like oh, I'm a digital creator.
Speaker 2:Are this for you? Oh right.
Speaker 1:So confident, so like so at one, and then obviously we connect. I'm following you on Instagram and then I'm so used to seeing girls show themselves off, whether they're in the gym or whether they're on social media, but then, bang, you're still sharing content of yourself in, let's say, like a sexually outspoken way. Yeah, yeah, yeah, and it's it's quite confronting actually yeah, because there's so much thought in mind of like, oh, men shouldn't do that we shouldn't do that but why not?
Speaker 1:exactly and this is a bit of the work as well that you came to, where you were suppressing parts of yourself and it's like, why not, if I want to put myself out there like that, what's wrong with that?
Speaker 2:oh, completely, and I feel like the word would be for me just so, so fucking liberating. And you know, I think with that, like you were saying, you were just so outspoken about it and so actually proud about it and I absolutely am, I think, out of all those years looking back, of all that suppression of like me just kind of not working through a lot, I also just I've told myself I'm like I'm not going to do anything in my life unless I know. I'm absolutely a hundred percent sure about it and I want to be proud about everything that I do, regardless of what that is. I just want to be proud about it all and you and I want to be proud about everything that I do, regardless of what that is. I just want to be proud about it all and I want to put that energy forward for everything.
Speaker 1:So what do you say to? Like obviously, the amount of negative connotations that people have with regards to anyone in the sex workspace, anyone that's on OnlyFans. Like people have so much judgment and for me, when you said what you did, I was like I can't wait to have a chat with you because I'm so curious, I'm so because, I'm so used to hearing so many that aren't in this space yeah, talk down of this space yeah and, as I said, so refreshing for you to be like. I'm so proud.
Speaker 2:This is so liberating yeah, well, I think you know, first and foremost, I've put my own feelings and my own um, my own thoughts and desires first for the first time ever, and that was when I did OnlyFans and it was absolutely amazing, I would say, anyone who's coming from a strong judgmental place. I think it always actually shows because I've gotten that I think it always shows a reflection more about who they are than about the person you're talking about, and that can be applied to literally everything. But I think particularly this space of OnlyFans or sex workers or adult entertainment actors, whatever you want to call them it really triggers a lot of people and suddenly so many people have so much to say about it and they're so opinionated and it's like that's so interesting, you know, it's like where did that come from? And even within myself before I had thought about when I considered only fans, I usually will have an idea and if I'm really sure about it, I'll just sit on it for a few weeks to a few months, right, and I in a lot of people actually don't do that, and I thought that's how we all worked.
Speaker 2:I'll sit on that idea and I'll even act like I'm kind of already in that world to see how it feels, and and that was, you know, I remember just still being just as excited about it, but again I realized that there'd be a lot of confrontation with it. Um, but there was a lot of confrontation within myself. Actually, I think when I first came up with the idea, suddenly I was, um, I was always, like you know, my, my connotations of, oh, like what happened to this person to make them do that, or like, oh, like they must have gone through some, you know, and in reality that was actually just coming from my own biased opinions, from like old, back when I was religious as in doing that kind of work would be like a last resort.
Speaker 2:Exactly, exactly, okay exactly that and I was like, oh, because usually I'm like what drives people to do that? And that was my thoughts before, whereas now that I've stepped into it before I'm like, oh, it's actually just a smart one business move because you can make a lot of money. You can make however much money you want to make, depending on how you push it, how much you sell it for and how long you're in and for how long you're in it for um so would you call yourself an entrepreneur oh, absolutely.
Speaker 1:First and foremost really you're, yeah, you're running a whole organization, you're doing you are you're doing your marketing. You're doing it, you're doing yeah, you're budgeting yeah, you're also working with your own nerves and your confidence throughout the process because I work as like essentially a holistic business coach to so many, and what I noticed is that, with every business decision there's a there's a personal journey somebody needs to go through and work through certain blocks yeah when you talk about, like I sat with it for a few months just to see how it felt yeah
Speaker 1:what I'm here. What I kind of felt in that was, uh, you had to work through whatever blocks might be there, whatever anxieties might be there, but also, yeah, whatever perhaps judgment first and foremost you had on it but to external parties might share with you on it yeah, exactly it was exactly that, and so, and so the reason I bring that up was because I think anyone who has a strong opinion about what they think they know or they're passing judgment.
Speaker 2:I think you should look at yourself right before you pass your judgment. And because I had to do the exact same thing and then I realized I was like that's just my fucking ego.
Speaker 1:I think that judgment space is so interesting. I started, let's say, working with psilocybe magic mushrooms in mid-20s and I remember one of my friends it was after a night out, he was kind of well anyway. Basically he snorted a line of cocaine in front of me and he was like now, jay, I really want to talk to you about this mushroom thing. I'm really concerned about you and that took me a lot into the head. I love that so much.
Speaker 1:It's such a good scene that is such a good scene, and I've always been fascinated with judgment, and I think what you shared is actually the most interesting one for me, in that those that judge the most are oftentimes going through the biggest struggles within themselves, and the judgment comes up almost as a bit of a deflection because, when they witness somebody expressing themselves in a certain light, it triggers up all that which is, let's say, kept within, up all that which is, let's say, kept within yeah, and I rarely meet, let's say I rarely yeah, I rarely meet um balanced judgment, yeah fair, let's say untortured judgment yeah um and I, I I find that those that I've experienced the most in life judge the least.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And often meet with the most curiosity.
Speaker 2:That is perfectly said.
Speaker 1:Which has given me a hell of a lot of peace. To just kind of distance myself from judgment, I'm like, oh, that's okay.
Speaker 2:Oh God, yeah, I'm different from that world, and that's fine.
Speaker 1:I'll just sit over here.
Speaker 2:And it's brought me enormous freedom. Yeah.
Speaker 2:That recognition yeah oh same, and that's why I said there's, you know, and I and I don't know if the rest of the world talks about this as much as bali does, but you'd know, everyone talks about ego, but there is so much ego and being judgmental and, like you said, it's always the people who are going through the most who have the most to say. There's always that correlation, you know, like with the people who mean the most to me. They're an extremely free group of people, like we're all we're. We're pretty much a family, um, you know, like all my friends here who are married and have kids, and you know, like they're, we are all a family. I've known them for like 13 years, some 10 years, and they're so open-minded about it. They're like God that is, that we're so happy you're doing this. You're like so happy, you're so free. We've never seen you like this. But no judgment, I know.
Speaker 1:So the effect of actually dipping into the OnlyFans has had a blossoming effect on you, your personality. That others around you can be like this is really working for you. I'm so happy. I'm so happy for you. Yeah, it's just so catering to what I would think.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it was like when you said when you're like, you know, when you kind of brighten up when you speak about it, right, and it's like thank, thank God, thank God, like thank God, I'm so grateful that that is the space that I can hold myself in where I'm this proud and happy to express whatever I'm doing this much. You know what I mean, because there's some people out there that are just so fucking unhappy and they're so judgmental and it's like what is it in you that makes you so judgmental? It's like you really have to look within yourself.
Speaker 1:So what's been really positive for you? Yeah, the general thought for some is that like, yeah, it would be very negative for others, but that could be the same with any career like you could get. You could be in banking, you could be in law, whatever. And if let's say, for example, like you don't have your boundaries, yeah you could find yourself working all hours of the day yeah completely knocking out of balance, getting stressed out, getting burnt out, compromising your morals and all that kind of thing that can happen in the finer careers.
Speaker 1:Let's say oh yeah and there's those same things that I think a lot of people, when they turn to, let's say, adult entertainment, are only fans. That might be this thought of like oh god, but it's very gross it can be a very downwards viral yeah that's.
Speaker 2:I think that's true with any career, but we focus it in on yours and I think, um, you know, there, there's definitely that, that dark side to this world, and I am, I'm not blind to it, and that was another thing going in, and again, all of my friends only advice was you know, this world can be so dark. Just make sure that you're keeping level, you're staying level-headed and you're and you're bringing that own, your own shine, your own brightness to it so that.
Speaker 1:So that's where this gets really counter-nerd for me and really interesting of like. Okay, so in a dark, potentially dark and vulnerable space you are sharing your light. What does that light look like?
Speaker 2:so, again, after doing all that you know work through my body and everything, it wasn't until last year that I started having the most sex in my life and, yeah, and it was amazing, I was like I'm just having so much fun. It's like I'm creating this space and I'm having some of the most beautiful sex and the people I'm having sex with afterwards they're like that we're just both filled with so much light and love. It's been pretty wild and amazing. Um, and so last year I was like I think there's more to this than just the sex, and so when I started only fans I was thinking what if I could kind of mesh the two together? What if I'm having this awakening? Right, because, classic me, I'm always trying to find meaning and purpose to something and whatever I do, you know, regardless of whatever it is, I'm always trying to bring something, an important message, you know, to shine through. So it's like what if I can bring this like awakening this light to an industry that actually has a lot of darkness to it, this light to an industry that actually has a lot of darkness to it, and all that actually just means is me having a beautiful moment with another person in the safest space and we're kind of just like fucking and transcending time together uh, okay, so you're not trying to, let's say, be apologies if I'm coming across as naive here, but what I'm kind of hearing from that is that there's some like there's some scenes in porn and stuff that are like jesus someone's half getting beaten up and you'd look at it and be like what the hell is actually even going on yeah whereas in love yeah there's some beautiful moments of just pure bliss, of pure connection, and so, rather than going into, let's say hard fucking goes, you're going
Speaker 2:into the more the sweet, the soft, the loving, the gentle so that's actually my kind of like brand and image which all my work has been it's, it's actually excuse me, I'm not doing the pre-research well, you know what, here we are and I'm telling you now, okay, entrepreneur, um, and that was that was the message that was kind of coming through to me, that it was like you're going to excel in this world and you can, and just like anything, there's a light and a darkness to it, but you can bring a lot of light into it. And I initially was just only doing it for myself and I was like I actually think I have the capacity to do it and help others and whoever I'm collaborating with, right. So it's like when I'm collaborating with someone, I'm kind of looking a little bit more into them. I'm asking everyone out there like, how's this person, what's their energy like? And I've met some phenomenal people. Actually, like some of the people I'm collaborating with, they're just, they're amazing, just so amazing it's.
Speaker 2:It's been, um, you know, a lot of people would think it's eyeopening, um and yeah, so that was my thing. It's like just bringing that light in that way, and I don't want to show, like I said before, what we thought it's right to consume, what we think we're meant to be consuming, to get us hard, to get us going to, or how we should be fucking or having sex or how we should be, you know, making love. People are not consuming the right knowledge or info about it and it's like I think it's just meant to be love. So the porn and stuff that's out there, which of course, it's just saturated with so much of that darkness where it's like almost violence and sex put together, yeah, I don't want to do that and it's like I don't. There's enough of that out there. It's time to kind of just maybe push a little bit of that out and kind of bring in this is really interesting.
Speaker 1:You speak because what I'm very conscious of is that when I'm not aware of certain areas, I kind of put everything in one pool and I think that kind of content that you've just spoken to tarnishes a whole industry and that can take people on a kind of quite let's say almost a cycle of thinking oh, is that normal? Well, I'll do that, yeah, and, and people say relationships might move from a place of love to a place of, well, god knows what, whereas what you're saying is like Jamie, look, there's actually a lot more in this industry.
Speaker 2:There is. You know, yeah, there is some dark shit, but there's actually a real light.
Speaker 1:There's, you know, like there's a lot of inspiration that you can share with people. There's a lot of permission that you can share with people. There's a lot of permission that you can share with people. If people are getting to, let's say, see beautiful moments of connection, sacred moments of chemistry, of real love, perhaps that in itself gives permission for them to have it in their lives, perhaps inspiration for them to bring it into their lives.
Speaker 2:Would that be fair. That's absolutely fair. And that's bring it into their lives, that'd be fair, that's absolutely fair, and that's what it's, and that's what it's. It's felt like, you know, I think I say like even the subscribers that have subscribed to me, which I love dearly, love you guys, um, and also the guys I'm collaborating with it's always been like oh, that's not what I expected, but that that's not what I expected.
Speaker 2:But I mean, I've really enjoyed myself and we've winded up being friends and then we've talked about it and been like that was, it was actually pretty exceptional, and it's like I'm not saying that that stuff, the darker side of porn and everything that we're talking about, of course that's going to get so many people off. I'm not saying that it won't. But there's also this side of porn that I naturally gravitate towards, which is just me being myself and it's just real, it's passionate and there's a real connection. There's no performance, because it's already hard enough to do, as is Just completely unlock your bodies and just explore each other's bodies and it kind of it translates on camera and it translates with the other person, and if it's translating with me and it's translating with the other person, it's translating to the people on the other side that are eating it. You know they're being they're being fed this knowledge and it's like, oh wait, this is also fucking hot and this is also beautiful and it's not dark yeah, which is what?
Speaker 1:just so, again within whole industry, dark. Yeah, I actually love that you've opened up my eyes in this regard. Can I? I? I kind of have a thought. I'd love, I, I had this moment. I remember I, um, I fancied a photographer and I was like could you take some photos of me?
Speaker 1:yeah, it's kind of like my way of let's hang and let's hang out anyway, she ended up taking these photos of me and it was like me in the water or me with the wet top on, and I remember when she sent them to me I didn't know what to think. I got so overwhelmed, I like. I looked at them in me and, let's say, provocatively or in a sexy way, I was like, oh my God.
Speaker 2:I froze up.
Speaker 1:One of my friends grabbed my phone. He was like Jay, what's this? Oh, wow, you look great in these photos. I was like, are you sure? I feel a little bit nervous seeing myself like that. And he was like no, you look amazing. You should, you should totally share those photos. Yeah, which it did. And I remember this was kind of, let's say, a journey of, of integrating a level of sexiness absolutely, absolutely.
Speaker 1:It's all the same, it's all the same so can I ask if, like, if you got to speak to your younger self oh, yeah, right, and you were like jonathan. Here's a couple of tips and I'm thinking your younger self, but I'm also thinking millions of other people who are somewhat similarly locked up in their sexuality what would be your kind of like go-to advice or your support to help just somebody open up that a little bit more?
Speaker 2:God, that is such, that's deep and I love it and it's good. Think I'd. I would look at myself and I would tell myself you know there's so much, there's so much within you that you don't know yet and there's so much that's misunderstood. And just maybe, before you start giving pieces of yourself because you think that's right and normal out to the world and to other individuals who aren't deserving of it, maybe just explore your body, talk to yourself, figure it out.
Speaker 2:You know what it is that makes you who you are, what it is that is empowering for you, that is sexual for you, and in the lightest way possible. And then just be, I guess just be a little bit smarter on who you share that with and how you share that, because there's a real power there and you can't just give it to everyone. And by sharing that out into the world, it's like a domino effect. You're sharing this beautiful light to another person, you're exchanging those beautiful lights with each other and that causes this ripple effect where you're kind of sending that out into the world. But again, just give yourself patience, but don't push yourself to give anything out that you don't think is right yet.
Speaker 1:Wow, okay. So I kind of hear two things in what you've just shared there, right? One is that, for however you show up sexually, that's sacred. Treat it sacredly. Be conscious of who it is that you engage with. Oh god, yeah and and and nurture that, because the right, right environments in terms of relationships will see you blossom, but the wrong will see you implode yeah, okay, I took that in that that feels really, really good.
Speaker 1:The second, though, is what I kind of understood is that, for however you present yourself, let's say amongst your social settlement friends, there is a level of judgment, and you need to have a certain energy to hold yourself amongst them. Build that energy up, first and foremost yeah as you then say, share that out on social media. There is some that are going to like you and there's others that are going to hate you, and if there's too many that hate you and you don't know how to process that energy you can find yourself imploding.
Speaker 2:Oh, my God, absolutely.
Speaker 1:And as you progress in life and move on to bigger audiences and wider spaces and stuff like that, unless you've done that internal work, that domino effect that you said can lead in two ways One in a compliment and helping you build strength and character and belief in terms of who you are and resilience and the other. It can knock you back and it can see you implode.
Speaker 2:And that there is.
Speaker 2:That's the exact world that we live in exactly right now, where everyone is you know. You don't even know what's real and what's not on the internet anymore. But it's like people just tearing themselves apart because they don't look a certain way or because they're not ideally sexy, or whatever that means. It's like you just have to be so thick-skinned, and I think the self-exploration into your own sexual energy is so powerful, because that's just going to give you that, that that sturdy ground to stand on which a lot of us guys I mean men and women already don't have. But that's why it's so important to dive into it, to be like what does that look like?
Speaker 2:sorry for you oh my god it. And again, yeah, didn't start till till recently where I'm like, where I had to find out through myself what is not mine and what is mine, what is sexually mine that I know is invigorating for me in a good way, and what has maybe been potentially planted here by what I've seen from social media or somebody else that I've had a sexual encounter with that is negative and not mine, and it's like filtering out those and figuring out what is for you so when I hear that what I think of is perhaps watching porn in younger years, yeah and seeing somebody really get off on something and be like oh wow yeah and there being a thought that that would work for me, but finding myself in that experience and actually really not enjoying it exactly, and that was a thought, an external thing planted in me by that experience now you're, now you're on it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, exactly that. So when I say these plants right, so I've, I think, a way that people can decipher, right, if you're listening, a way that you can decipher what it is that's been planted in me that is not mine and and compared to what is mine, is like what is something sexually that gets you off but you would never do with your partner. And I think that's a way for me that I kind of started to like realize I was like this gets me off when I watch porn, but I don't think I'd ever actually do this with my partner or someone that I want to marry, someone that I love, and so that can maybe give you a little bit of a tunnel, you know, vision on where to maybe guide and look from. And then again, you know it goes so much deeper than that, because you know that's why I talk about. You know, everyone in this whole, everyone in this life, has got trauma.
Speaker 2:Trauma works in a way that it can install things within you.
Speaker 2:You know, let's say, if something happened to you, it can install that within you.
Speaker 2:You know, let's say, if something happened to you, it can install that into you certain beliefs, certain feelings, certain reactions, reactions your body will remember it and because sometimes the mind doesn't actually know what to do and how to process it, or sometimes, because you suppress it, it might work in getting you off. You know, later on down the year. So you actually start fantasizing about something that traumatized you, and that's how, that's just how the mind works. So it's up to us, because no one's going to do it for us, that we have to look and be like okay, I think it's time that I worked through this and I kind of weed this out. You know, I saw, I saw this really beautiful um, was it an analogy or a metaphor? You're, you're giving birds, you might know, but it was like a is a tea in in a cup and it was like they're pouring clear water into the cup and it was overfilling until it weeded out the brown and darkness and it literally looks just like that.
Speaker 1:Yeah when I'm hearing you speak. What I'm recognizing is that oftentimes it's like you know you hear this. Would people just do the work phrase? Yeah, and I remember for ages I was like what do people mean by do the work? I mean, it's actually this.
Speaker 1:It's take time to figure yourself out take time to figure out what works for you and what doesn't what ideas have almost been planted into you but aren't actually yours and aren't true to you, and what I feel is that with every ailment that we suffer or every challenge that we go through, it's oftentimes another layer of communication trying to help us figure out what's more true to us and what's more right and what's not. And I find that oftentimes, when I'm, let's say, getting bumped around my life quite a bit, when I'm, when I'm unconsciously living in an untrue state to myself, oh my god, yes, yep, yeah and then the world seems to just rearrange itself and almost open up this.
Speaker 1:Yeah, merry big road for me when I'm being more honest with myself. Yeah, and it uh, yeah, and so that's I loved, like I loved hearing your journey, where you're like you know, I started doing this work on my sexuality and I felt like I was blossoming. I felt like you didn't say it, but I kind of felt like years of age just come off your shoulder, yeah, and I. I think we have a bit of a an odd understanding when it comes to disease and aging yeah and and also like mental issues, like depression, anxiety.
Speaker 1:Most of these are self-induced yeah and what the lovely thing about that. Like some people don't want to take responsibility, self-induced what you mean self-induced? Oh right, if you just recognize, if they're self-induced, you can also turn things around, you're in the driving seat of this and I really feel it's incredible the level of impact we can serve upon ourselves are.
Speaker 2:You know, and I said this in the last podcast, um, because actually I don't think anyone knew I used to be, I used to party hard like party, party hard, hard. But last October, so actually almost a year ago, I decided to go. I am completely clean. So I quit smoking, I quit drinking, I quit drugs, I quit, you know, I even quit sugar, I quit dairy, I quit eggs, I quit just absolutely everything. And I was just really serious about figuring out who I am and and how strong I can be, you know, and and how healthy I can be.
Speaker 2:And when I got that, you know, I I became suddenly, I became really clear and it was like my mind was clarified, you know, and I was able to kind of like see for the first time, kind of without these lenses, and actually like feel my body again after months, without drinking or on a comedown or whatever, how I really felt. You know, it's like you can, you can so get in touch with you know your own energy, your own sexual drive, your own I own, I guess libido. You can, you can get in touch with it. You can like talk to, you can feel it out, you can figure it out like it's within you.
Speaker 1:It's not that far if you just take the distractions out of the equation, if you take the distractions out of the equation that are already killing you.
Speaker 2:To begin with, they're already causing chronic illness within you. You know it's like, if you take it out, it's like the mind and the body are extremely powerful. It's it wants to heal itself, it wants to do good yeah, I, I, I think it's comical.
Speaker 1:I was chatting with um, a holistic doctor, on this podcast recently and we were chatting after, and one thing I recognize is that most of the work we do is compensating for us being in the wrong environments, are living untrue to ourselves, and it's amazing when we start twofold one, putting ourselves in an environment that complements us better two doing all these, that all these dietary shifts that are oftentimes used compensatory to compensate for the issues of the environment and stuff, but we actually do them in a complementary fashion.
Speaker 1:So we change the environment, we do all the diet stuff, we start having the tough conversations. I think we reach a status, let's say, of human, of almost like superhuman ability yeah when we're not putting up with all the shit that we put on top of ourselves. When we set ourselves free, it's like, oh my god, I can feel, immediately speaking, what works for me, what doesn't. I get clarity in terms of decisions that work for me versus not, and ideas of what I should be doing immediately.
Speaker 2:It's it's. You know how. You're talking about that road opening up. Yeah, I think ever since I actually had done that, my my life looked like that. Everything suddenly kind of moved out of my way. It's like you're driving down the highway and all the lights are turning green a second before you get there and you're like fuck, this is what life is and this is what it could be, and I wish I could. You know, I don't want to, you can. You can lead a horse to the water. You can't make it drink it, but it's like I wish more people knew about how, how strong and powerful we actually are.
Speaker 1:It only sounds, yeah and in the most interesting ways yeah, essentially it's at the very heart of what you're doing. You're hoping to inspire people to a clear path what exactly it's like.
Speaker 2:I literally cut out everything you know and it's went on this sober track and then started doing porn, which is you know you'd think it'd be the other way around, but it's brilliant, it's brilliant I think, I think it's very important now that we get and these, let's say, contrasting stories because, we're so we like putting things into a bottle.
Speaker 1:Yeah, we like, uh, seeing things in a simple black and white fashion yeah, no no, no, no. Actually, for some this can be really complimenting this can be really beneficial.
Speaker 2:It's not for everybody, but for some it could be very much the medicine that they'd be looking for and in my case, it was the exact medicine that I needed to heal, and it was actually one of the last things I was like there. There's just something in me I'm I'm not my full self, something, you know and that started with the self-exploration into my own sexual drive and my empowerment, and then that led to me ultimately feeling the best I'd ever felt and being happy within my own body and my own mind, and then that led to me doing OnlyFans and being like I want to do this for myself, but also I want to. I want to share this.
Speaker 1:that's lovely yeah, thank you for sharing on this. Yeah, thank you. Um is there. If someone wants to follow you, if someone wants to get in on this content, what's the best way?
Speaker 2:ah, you mean the plug. So yes, guys, if you guys want to follow me, my username is the johnny lee.
Speaker 1:That's the j-o-n-n-y l-e-e perfect, you say guys, but surely girls would want to watch too surprisingly a lot, yeah, okay needed to touch on that one.
Speaker 2:Yeah thank you so much, thank you so much.