The University of Life
The University of Life podcast has become my personal collection of fascinating learnings from the people I meet and experiences I have as I explore life and journey deeper in to the space of business mentoring & life coaching.
The University of Life
The University of Life & Arja Hendrikx
Tantra, Sensitivity & the Art of Presence
Forget the clichés, this isn’t about gimmicks or quick fixes.
In this episode, I sit down with Arja to explore Tantra as a grounded, embodied path, one that treats the body as a portal, not a problem.
We talk about what it means to live with sensitivity in a world that values speed, and how slowing down can bring more connection, joy, and courage into everyday life. Arja shares how breath, sound, and small movements can reawaken the body’s natural intelligence, helping you feel more alive and less dependent on external highs.
We explore sex as healing, why stillness can feel ecstatic, and how subtle attention often opens more than intense stimulation ever could. Arja also speaks about the discipline it takes to stay open, how curiosity dissolves judgment, how boundaries clarify as awareness grows, and how to keep your aliveness intact in a noisy world.
This one’s not just about intimacy, it’s about being real, awake, and present.
If you’ve ever felt the pull for “something more” but don’t want to abandon real life to find it, this is a grounded, human roadmap.
If it resonates, follow Arja on Instagram and explore her online memberships to start your own journey from home.
And if you enjoy this conversation, share it with someone who’s ready to meet life, and love, with a little more awareness.
If ever you'd like to connect, please don't hesitate to connect via my website www.jamiewhite.com.
I am always open to feedback, reflections, guest / subject recommendations and anything else that might come up.
Thank you for listening, Jamie x
So Aria, welcome to the University of Life.
SPEAKER_00:Thank you.
SPEAKER_01:Do I pronounce your name Aria?
SPEAKER_00:Aria.
SPEAKER_01:Aha, because some people say Arya.
SPEAKER_00:I know, or Arja. Yeah. Yeah. Depends where they're from.
SPEAKER_01:So I am really excited to talk to you all about Tantra. This whole like well, I think so many people have different definitions for the word. And there's so many posters being like, Tantra is not sex. Or at the moment, people saying tantra is all about sex just to get attention. I'm curious, like, how do you define it?
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, I really like what you're saying, which is like these posters of Tantra is not about sex. And then other posters, it's like Tantra is sex. So it's like, what is it? Is it about sex? Is it not about sex? And it actually meets somewhere in the middle. So for me, tantra is really like a spiritual path to get the most out of life, but to mainly be connected to something bigger, to something higher. That life isn't just about getting up, getting to work, doing your things, go back to sleep, but that actually we're part of something that's so much bigger and so much higher. And rather than it being a very outward journey, which sex kind of indicates, it's actually an inward journey where the body becomes this incredible portal that we can travel through really this connection with something so much bigger, something so much higher, more mysterious. And I feel the reason why so many people are excited about Tantra is because actually they have this longing for more depth in life. And then maybe they try to search for it in sex, and maybe before they try to search for it in drugs or other ways, but there is this longing, this like knocking at the heart of ah, I have the feeling that there's something more to life, and that something more to life, that's what Tantra can provide.
SPEAKER_01:Ari, I love this. Sorry, there's a saying I caught on to years ago that communication is 7% verbal. And to some they might be like, What do you mean? Like it's 7% verbal. What else is it? And you can see in the very moment you started speaking, there's such full expression. You use your hands, you use your tone, your face, it all lights up with certain words and then contracts down with others. It's it's very engaging, very connective. Um, but what I heard from that kind of definition is really it's a philosophy, it's an approach to life, and it's something that offers a different dimension. And I loved that word you said, like a portal. It can be a portal to a whole new different dimension. Lovely, really, really lovely. I um it's quite something to get to have a chat with you because you've been a friend over the last number of years, and somebody who I've known is just very deeply committed to her journey, her practice, her faith. Um, but more recently, what's been so nice is following your journey in terms of professionalism, in terms of like literally, it's like it's it's like hundreds of students are now coming to you to follow the path that you've gone on yourself. And I I kind of I feel there's a kind of a well, Tantra, when we jumped into the definition, it's a big, big term with multiple different impressions. So you go to one authority and they might suggest it's one thing, another, and it's a whole other thing. But it feels like you're carving out your own path within the space. And the people that you're kind of that are following you, that you're not kind of saying, hey, look, this is what it's all about. You're saying, hey, this is this is how I enjoy this, and this is how you could enjoy it too. Would that be fair?
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, absolutely. And this is very much how we teach. Like, I'm very much a fan of embodied tantra. Like, I've studied tantra in its traditional sense, as many classical teachings and scholarly teachings. Then there's very modern teachings where we find a lot around like the sexuality and like the more the personal development of it. And the way that I teach is I bring them together. So I honor the essence of what the teachings of Tantra actually are, what's been written in those scriptures thousands of years ago, created by a much more advanced conscious civilization than what we have right now. And how can we actually apply that into daily life so that these people that are searching for something more can really find something that practically works? So it isn't something, oh, I always need to go to a training or a workshop, and I need to be guided by this expert in order to find that connection within myself, but rather how can this be a different way of life and how can you start making different choices in life so that your life feels more like alive, exciting, fulfilling, and more connected to yourself. So the part of like embodied and making it you and what works for you is really central to to how we teach.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. Yeah. I I get the impression, like when I when I when I think of my dive into this space, and like we we found ourselves at different workshops and and learning under different people simultaneously, and and I found that there were some that um they seemed like great in theory. They were they were these these types that had such a knowledge base, but when you would look at them, you'd be like, one second, are you practicing this? And then there's others that it feels like they live this practice. It's it's I think there's a term actually we talked about before, embodied leadership. And I think that's there's a really interesting kind of let's say separation between there are some that can talk the talk, but they don't walk the walk. And then there's others that actually sometimes they might not even be able to talk the talk, but they are walking it so finely. And I find for me, like when I reflect on my learning journey, I actually am not quite interested in any authority figures. I want to know, I want to tune into the people that are living and breathing their practice. And that's exactly why I wanted to interview you. Because this, this certainly, for me, observing you over the last number of years, you live and breathe this space. And and I and I wanted to ask, like, yeah, I wanted to tune into like the living and breathing of this practice. How does it show up? And immediately when you first answered your question, I was like, Oh, well, you can see it straight away in how she communicates. It's such full communication, it's full such expression in terms of tone, it's such physical expression in terms of your hand gestures and everything. And I think like what I'm curious of is in a time where a lot of people are, let's say, weighed down by their traumas and life, it seems like this practice is something where trauma releases a huge part of it. Taking weight off your shoulders is a huge part of it, and it's almost coming back to that kid-like energy, that free like spirit within all of us. Would that be fair to say?
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, absolutely. I feel it's bringing that aliveness back. Growing up in a society with so many rules, so many regulations, so many don't do this, don't do that. No, that's not allowed. Just act normal. Like all these conditioning around trying to fit in in a society that's very in the mind, and where anything that's kind of out of the ordinary is weird, and being sussed down from the moment that we're children in our expressions, in our explorations, in even our imaginations of like things that no, that doesn't exist. Oh no, that that can't be real. So we get shut down on so many levels as we grow up. And in one way, that's part of our education because we need to grow up as adults and we need to know what's right and wrong and how to move in life, but it also closes off to those more magical parts of life, and it's like aliveness that children have, and that it feels so free. Like when I look at children, they're so free. And the moment I started with Tantra, I started to find that little girl back inside of me.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:And I realized that actually she had suppressed herself in many ways, and that there was, yeah, that there was this like shyness, and in a way, like holding back in life so many in so many ways. And when Tantra started to give these life-affirming practices, it's like you're here to live your fullest potential, you're really here, like you're God's creation, and everything around you got is God's creation. Why not play with that?
SPEAKER_01:Okay, so yeah, it feels like life can get really serious at certain times and life can get really heavy. And certainly that there's something that comes up in this podcast so often is just the weight of trauma, the weight of issues. I'm kind of what I'm hearing, and and also sorry, the weight of judgment and impressions in terms of how we should show up, either through our social circles or our societies. And what I'm hearing from you is it's like, look, at the very heart of this, it's about actually creating a safe bubble around yourself where you don't have to show up how you think you need to show up societally, but in actual fact, you start learning to give yourself the freedom to show up as you are, and what the really truest sense of that essence is your childlike energy. It's almost like a practice of returning home to that playful self. Because I'm like, as I'm sitting here chatting and I'm sharing this, I'm kind of remembering back to being five, six, seven, eight, running around the garden and having this almost this complete built-up story of what was playing out. I was part of an Indian force invading a base, and and I'm like, where is that imagination gone? Where is that energy gone? Where is that playfulness gone? And is it actually gone or can it be returned to? And what I'm kind of feeling from you is it's like, no, no, no, look, Jamie, this practice is about coming back to that and unleashing that energy, that imagination, that playfulness that's there for you, and creating a bit of safety around that too, so that you can enjoy that.
SPEAKER_00:That be true, and you are very playful.
unknown:Thank you.
SPEAKER_00:It comes out in in so many ways inside of you and like the jokes that you make and how you show up and the cheekiness that you have. And I feel with these practices it would bring that out even more, right?
SPEAKER_01:I well, I I was I think I was really, really lucky in getting introduced to this work. Um, but what I really like about you, so what I what I've kind of found in some spaces in this world is that they're they're quite ill-disciplined.
SPEAKER_00:What does that mean?
SPEAKER_01:Uh ill-disciplined, like not very um, they're loose, let's say, like they're wild.
SPEAKER_00:And ah, okay, yeah.
SPEAKER_01:And in actual fact, in some of the conversations we've had, you've challenged me. And you've challenged me in a really interesting way. Because what I what I what I really want to tap into is actually like because you're you're talking in this in this regard about like there's a higher calling to it, there's a higher standard in all of this. So, like, for example, say the buzz that we're kind of talking about. Some people will be like, Well, do you know what I may as well just have a few drinks and I'll get that same energy, or may do some drugs and get that energy. And we've had several conversations where you were like, you can do that, yeah, and you might enjoy that energy for a little bit, but you'll lose your natural access to it. And I kind of get the impression that you hold yourself in to really, really high standards of personal self-care, but it's not just for the sake of it, it's actually because on the other side of that discipline is a greater capacity to access these energies that you're talking about. Yeah. Would that be fair to say?
SPEAKER_03:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Could you talk a little bit more about that for me? Because I'm I'm so interested. Because I think sometimes people think like, oh, if you abstain from drinking, your life is boring. And you're like, no, no, there's a good fun on the other side of it. And like from a male side, I know you're gonna be like, and if you can abstain from ejaculating, there's a whole other side to it. And I just wanted to yeah, I wanted I wanted to ask into this because I I I'd really love to hear your your insight.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, and this is what I love like these other substances, they can give a they can give a glimpse of an experience of what's possible when we move into an altered state, right? So let's say people take medicines, whether that's plant or any other form of medicine, and there is this incredible experience. Then first and foremost, that's possible within this universe that we live in, because something opens inside of our consciousness that that experience is possible. In order to get to this like higher consciousness where people make profound changes in their life. I've heard so many people they said, Oh, I did ayahuasca, or I did this journey, and now my whole personality changed because I got such an insight and such a download, and my life has changed. That's possible. In this case, you rely on an external substance to get you there. To me, that doesn't feel empowering. Because what if you were able to get there, which we can, we see this everywhere. In Tantra, there's a saying, as above, so below, as within, so without. So that gateway, in order to get into those insights and into those states, there's a natural pathway that goes there. But because there's so much trauma, there's so much social conditioning, there's so much disempowering beliefs that don't empower the individual individual. What do we do? We go again to an external source in order to get ourselves into this high state instead of actually creating that natural pathway there. And this is what Tantra has done for me and what I love speaking about so much, because it's been a gateway to higher levels of consciousness, where really my body is a portal, and not just my yoni is a portal, not just my sexual aspect is a portal, but like so many ways that this body is a vehicle to have these deep and high and ecstatic and expansive experiences, but not just once a year. Like for me, these are normal, regular states that I get into through my tantric practices. It's not like, oh my god, finally it happened again. Like I used to do 10-day meditation retreats. Finally, I had one glimpse of samadhi, and then that would be like one out of five meditation retreats. And this is like on a regular basis, it's like, okay, I'm I'm tapped in, I'm tuned in, I'm turned on, I'm I'm in alignment, I feel this like everywhere around me. And the body, like if we look at the the sutras, the radiant sutras, for example, a very modern embodied interpretation of tantra, it constantly says that your body is a gateway, your body is a vehicle, your body has all the access points to experience this this life more deeper, just the same way that people would take a substance or go and and and achieve a high experience.
SPEAKER_01:That's lovely. There's a kind of a thought, like there's a lot actually coming up, and there's the whole divinity side of things and a godlike relationship and all this that I really want to explore. But if I was to kind of pull back, my my kind of experience is that for whatever substances we might take, drugs, alcohol, uh, medicines, they kind of like below the roof off things. And you get this exactly as you said, this amazing experience, but it's so beyond what your practice allows for that but it gives you such a taste of oh my god, that's amazing. That all of the substances you don't have the practices to get there. And and so you think, okay, well, if I want to experience that again, I have to take the medicines again. And it almost creates, let's say, this third party dependency, this outsource dependency, which to be fair, if you keep just taking the drugs and not developing the expertise to get there, yeah, you are reliant on a third party and you're losing your personal journey within yourself. And that's something that actually, to be honest, it kind of scared me. I was like, I want to pull right back. I had great fun indulging years ago, but pulled myself right right back because I recognized that I was taking away, let's say, the motivation. I I and I was losing my own capacity to kind of work towards that. I had still, as I sit here in front of you, you're very inspiring for me because you you enjoy these crazy like states, almost magic-like states to a third party. But I love like I find myself very inspired because you have this self-discipline, you have this restraint, you're not taking anything, and you're like, no, no, you can get here, just keep going. And I think we know that. Like if it's studying for exams or if it's trying to get on a sports team or something, we know we're not an outstanding player right away. It takes time and it takes practice. It doesn't if you take some like limitless tablet or something like that. You might skip the queue for a bit, but it wears off, and then you're left without. So that's what's kind of coming up for me. It's that like the these substances can actually perhaps be great for opening your eyes to what's possible, but don't let them distract you from figuring out your way to do that naturally because it's there for you. That is a possibility, but an over-reliance and a dependency will hold you back from ever realizing that. Fair?
SPEAKER_00:Yeah. And and what I think is really beautiful to mention here is that it doesn't always have to be this big thing. Like with an external substance, it's like, okay, I'm gonna do a journey, it's a few hours, but when it becomes a natural gateway, it can just be during the day, like a moment or it's like, oh, I feel this expansion, or like I am so like it's it's it doesn't have to be this peak experience, it becomes embodied, it becomes integrated, it becomes all around, and it's just this awareness starts to be expanding of the subtle realms of the subtle energies that are here, and life becomes so much more pleasurable because there's attunement to subtlety. And like in a society where we live where there's so much chasing of peak experiences, then again, it's like depending on on something outside. But when there's this like embodiment of I am so in attunement with my own body, with my own energies, then you will start to feel more in every day, which doesn't have to be a big peak, oh my god, my consciousness expanded and I'm here for three hours, but it's like, oh, just for five minutes, my consciousness expanded.
SPEAKER_01:Can I break this down in a practical example to make sure I kind of got this?
SPEAKER_00:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:So let's say, for example, say I grab my arm, yeah, and I grab it hard, okay? And I feel that, and there's a nice feeling, it's like I feel my arms held. I take my hand away and I go to do it again. And interestingly, because my hand's kind of gotten used to being felt like that, I need to grab it a little bit harder to feel the same sensation. And if I want to do it again, unfortunately, my my arm's kind of numbed down to being held so hard, so I need to really grab it tight to get that same sensation. And I think that's quite an interesting analogy for life. On the other side, when you're talking about the subtle body, for me, if I put my hand forward now, so it's a more sensitive side, and if I stroke my finger very lightly across my skin, it actually takes me a moment to feel it, but as I zone myself in, I feel it a little bit more, and then I take my hand away. And if I bring my hand back, I don't actually even need to now touch my arm. I can actually feel and so on one side, this harder grip actually numbs me out and necessitates harder. But on this other side, this softer touch heightens sensitivity and allows for softer touch even more. And is this essentially like the most practical kind of insight into this? It's like, hey, look, yeah, you can you can go the hard route and you'll keep needing greater and greater stimulations to get the same experience. Or you can tune into your more subtle body, you can heighten your sensitivity, and through heightening your sensitivity, less will show up as so much more.
SPEAKER_00:That's the best example I ever heard. That's so good. I want to steal that one from you. And that's exactly in lovemaking, right? This is such like easy to bring into love making. If in love making I'm constantly needing more stimulation and stronger stimulation, then the body will always keep craving for that. And then at a certain point, like you said, it's like the body just starts either to become numb or it's like is not satisfied because it needs faster or harder or stronger. But if on the other hand, in lovemaking, we sensitize the body so that the tiniest touch is like, oh my god, this is so pleasurable. Then there's a whole world that opens in subtle sensations that the physical really starts to like work together with the subtle and with the energetic. And then lovemaking just has a million more opportunities than actually being in these fast and hard and strong practices that usually because what happens the body numbs, right? Like the body numbs with like this, yeah. So it's it's a great example.
SPEAKER_01:I I'm actually dying to explore this with you because this I whole idea, I love this principle of sexual healing, not just something to to sing about, but an actual fact like really, really true. And I I unfortunately I went to an old boys' boarding school, so it would be fair to say that I grew up with way too much porn in my life. And my idea or my impression of sex from a young age was it's hard fucking, it's hard sex. And with that simple analogy, it's like, well, that's a that's a root of diminishing returns. The harder you fuck, the greater sensitivity you develop, the greater, sorry, the good the harder you fuck, the greater the numbingness that comes, the harder you have to fuck, and the less pleasure. And really what like your practice, it's like, no, no, no, it's not about this crazy performance that some people think it has to be. And in actual fact, if you can tune into the sensitivities, actually, the greatest love making could be inside in uh stillness, and and I'm really curious about your work because, like, so much of my belief, like when we gave that earlier insight into Tantra, it was like, Jamie, what this really is about is taking the weight of life's toll off your shoulders. It's about letting that inner child within you come back to life and free yourself of the strain, stress, the strain, the dis-ease that may have accumulated in your life. And so when I feel at this into real practice, it's in connection with another and it's in love making and it's an accelerated effect to that. So I'm kind of interested to hear like love making as a as a supercharged medicine, love making as a sexual healing practice. Um, what can you share about this?
SPEAKER_00:Oh, there's something that drops in that I would like that. I feel brings a topic that we just spoke about in this together. So, in love making, rather than it's like harder, faster, stronger, which for the male body desensitizes the cock completely. For the female body, imagine what happens when someone just gets penetrated, so it numbs her entire yoni. So then both just need more and more extreme experiences. I used to be completely numb. I didn't feel anything, orgasming for me was super hard. I was way too much in my head. So that's another whole component, like what happens on the mind. But the moment that I started to learn these practices to like re-welding my body and resensitizing my body, now in love making, one of the things that I love saying to a lover is okay, when we are moving, but instead of like bum, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, it's more like the waves, you know, of two like it's like two rivers flowing together, and then even the pause and just be like, okay, close your eyes and just bring the consciousness to the tip of your cock, like bring it to the tip of your cock, and then feel the tip of my cervix and just meet me there. And that is such a different like awareness of what happens inside of the body because then all the consciousness and all the presence, I will go down in my yoni. I'm like, wow, I just feel the tip of his cock and the consciousness of the tip of his cock and of my and then it's like a whole new layer opens.
SPEAKER_01:Okay, so there's a couple of things that are opening up for me in that regard, right? It's because one, if the experience is too fast, it's too distracted, you could never tune into that part of your body. But also, if you're in your head and you're nervous and you're wondering, oh, what does she think? What do you think? What I'm really learning is that when you're thinking, you can't feel. But the more you feel, the less you can think. And so if you're actually actively bringing consciousness to a part of your body, which sounds kind of sophisticated, but I've learned it as simply as like just pick a part in your body, perhaps the palm of your hand, point to it, and breathe into it. And it's weird, with every breath, you seem to feel more and more in this space. So, what you're saying is in love making, in connection, for the male to literally breathe into the tip of his cock, for the female to breathe into her cervix and bring all the attention, all the consciousness, and as a result, all the sensitivity there. That's when less and less is actually needed. But ultimately speaking, more and more starts to show up and everything then unfolds from there.
unknown:Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah. And the trick is, because of course, there's so much sexual deconditioning that needs to happen for two beloveds to be in that space. Because as you said, maybe if I'm just worried, I used to be a big pleaser in the bedroom. So the only thing I was worried about is like, am I doing it right? Is he enjoying it? Am I being good enough? So if I'm with those thoughts in the bedroom, you're out of your body, then of course I'm not feeling what's happening inside of me. For me, it's like, wait, lovemaking can be I focused on feeling for myself. I was so in the pleaser of the other. So this would be like 10, 20, 30 steps way too far. But the trick is to not try to still the mind, but to give the mind a purpose, to give the mind to focus. Because we want to involve the mind, because otherwise, all these insecurities are coming up, or these thoughts, or this mental activity comes up. So instead of letting my mind take over, it's like I give you a task, beautiful mind, focus, and maybe the tip of the cervix is too advanced because a lot of women might not even feel that, but just focus on the sensations that you feel with the cock inside of you. So just focus on those sensations, and now my mind has a task. Oh, great, my task is to focus. I'm gonna focus on what I feel, and this way there becomes like a mind-body coherence where the mind isn't actually trying to distract or disassociate or escape from the situation, but rather I'm using my mind to feel myself more deeply, if that makes sense.
SPEAKER_01:What's coming up for me, right, is that okay, so we've we've tuned in here and we've heightened sensitivity and we've brought two beings into complete presence. And when they get out of their minds and into their body, what's actually happening is an enormous de-stressing. So when I give this note of like sexual healing, this is when sex is highly de-stressing, actually highly healing, coming into presence. We all know how how meditation is healing. And we all know how, for example, like if you go into a coal bath, it will stop your mind, you will feel your body, and it has such a detoxifying, such a cleansing, such an energizing effect. There's a part in me that's kind of giggling a little bit, right? Because I think a lot of people have made their their trauma and their issues such heavy lifting, right? Such such tough work. And it's like, oh, I'm going on my wellness journey. It's like, oh, God help them. They're going to be lost for a few years. And it's like, you can go. I think I think we are a bit one-dimensional as beings. There's loads of different paths we go. But what I'm kind of feeling here is like, hey, you can meditate alone in a cave, or you could perhaps practice this love making. Uh, and you might get pretty similar benefits, perhaps even more in some regards. So I love the idea that like we as humans, we generally speaking go for the most complicated route, the most challenging route. But I think intellect is really well figuring out the simplest way of doing something, the easiest way, or in fact, the most pleasurable way. And I kind of love like what really strikes my curiosity about Tantra at its essence is you can heal your traumas, not sitting in a room talking for hours and be charged a fortune with some counselor, but you can heal it with having great sex, you can heal your life, you can return to your inner essence and re-energize your whole being whilst having a whole load of pleasure at the same time. I'd love to ask, how true is that for you?
SPEAKER_00:Well, answer yes and no.
SPEAKER_01:Brilliant. Give me the no, because I get a bit carried away with certain things and certain theories. So would you shoot certain parts of that?
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, a lot of people come to Tantra and they think exactly what you just described. Oh my god, and we're gonna use sexuality as my spiritual path and for my healing, and it's gonna be amazing, and we're gonna become this milthy orgasmic being, but then it's not an easy path. Like, there's been so many times that I've been here with my own limitations from my mind, with needing to expand so much beyond the norm, with insecurities that are coming up, with like really needing to sit and do my inner work. Because if I'm actually gonna tune inside, which none of us have learned in society, I suddenly sit with all the uncomfortable. Comfortabilities of what's stored inside of me. And I'm suddenly sitting there with all my shit. And instead of running away from it into like another distraction, I actually am gonna learn to be with it. Because if I want to have the capacity to be so orgasmic and feel myself so deeply, I also need to have felt all those traumas, all those wounding, all these insecurities, all my coping mechanisms. So there's a lot of inner work that comes, a lot of personal development work that comes in order to actually be in that. Oh my God, everything feels amazing. And with opening up to feeling so much, that's not just in the bedroom. Then there's a sensitivity that starts to be developed with now. I walk into places and I do get overwhelmed more easy. Or I do feel like, oh my God, actually, this is too much for my system because now I start to feel this feels good for me. That doesn't. Actually, this is my boundary. I'm a no to this, I'm a yes to that. Whereas before I was such a pleaser, I would just please anything and anyone would walk in and everything was fine. Now I walk into a restaurant and I'm like, hey, the music is too loud. Can you please tune it down? Actually, we're the only ones here. Can you just change the frequency of the music to be more calming? And I'm starting to literally just create the environment that I want because I do have a heightened sensitivity, because I've learned to feel myself so much more. So, yes, on one end, amazing. Love making is going to be so much better, life is gonna feel so amazing. But if like there's a quote, you can't you can't um laugh all your laughters if you haven't cried all your tears. That's great. So those two come together.
SPEAKER_01:You know, when I ventured into this world, and I kind of think of our younger selves, I feel like that's almost almost childhood, although it's only a few years ago. But I remember going to London afterwards. So I was in in Valley experiencing this world and really feeling pleasure like I hadn't before, lightness like I hadn't felt before, playfulness, happiness. And I was like, wow, I I great, Jamie, you've done great. And then I went to London. And I remember the first thing I got off the plane and somebody bumped into me. And then I remember I was walking down the road and an ambulance came by, and then someone got bashed off a uh a bike. And I, these are things that I wouldn't have noticed before. But with this heightened sensitivity that I had developed with nothing but like, let's say, a golden carrot at the end of the stick, I was like, oh, this is fantastic. Yeah, I absolutely hear you. I absolutely recognize this. That when you expand your capacity on one end to feel more pleasure, unfortunately, on the other hand, there's more pain. There's more sensitivity. Yeah, you're sensitive to the things you like and sensitive to the things you don't like. And what I found was London was a place that years prior I had aspired to live and live in. I was so excited to live there. And unfortunately, I found it was intolerable for me. And in actual fact, it started inducing a real depression in me. And I went through depression like I have never known. And it was so hard to fathom. It's like, how am I experiencing depression? I have done so much work, and it took years for me to recognize yes, Jamie, this depression is the gift of that work. It's helping you realize what's not for you and move you in the direction of what is for you. But things before that you tolerated and things before that you were so numbed out to, you've cleared that baggage. And it may have you feeling light and playful and everything, but unfortunately, it also brings a sensitivity. The sensitivity isn't too unfortunate. The sensitivity is the gift.
SPEAKER_00:And one of the things that you said, I think is really amazing, is that you said, hey, now that I developed this sensitivity, something is clearing out. And I feel this is such a big practice in the tantric path is this trust. This trust that a life situation is not good or not bad, and that everything is offered as a gift. How challenging it is, I'm currently in a very challenging life situation, and still I'm choosing to see it as a gift on a personal level. And this is this deeper trust that's happening that when life presents a situation in your case, like a depression, then I can be like, oh my God, and this is so shitty for me. And I'm in this depression, and this is happening. But like, what are the gifts that actually come out of that? And this deeper trust, again, that like this universe is so magical. There's something here that created you, that brought you here, that will also take you away from here, or whatever, whatever is happening after it. But it's that trust and that ability to see life as a gift. And I feel there's been so much more relaxation that happened for me when that has landed, not just on a mental level, but especially the situation that I'm in right now, personally. I really see wow, this is not something I believe when life happens. Oh, I'm not just saying, oh, you see, like synchronicity, like um there is no luck, everything is pre-planned, like God doesn't make mistakes is something that I often say, but not just when synchronicity strikes. Now it's like, okay, life is challenging in this moment. Do I still believe that God doesn't make mistakes? I'm like, yeah, it's not a belief, but I'm really rooted in it. So there's this deeper trust that really God doesn't make mistakes in any situation. And I feel that trust has landed some more just freedom and relaxation inside of me that I never experienced before because I was so caught up in all the shoots and the and and yeah, being in the the the red rays or however you want to call it.
SPEAKER_01:It's kind of an idea I have about life, right? Is that we have our comfort zone. Our comfort zone is kind of like our nest, it's our safe space, it's like our charger. And it's great. It's where we recoup, it's where we re-energize. But if we spend too long there, unfortunately, it starts to wow, what's it? If we spend too long there, we start to get lazy. And we know this. Like if we go for a run every day and then we don't go for a run for a few days, we can't actually do the run properly or to the level that we did before. So if we stay too long in our comfort zone, our worlds start to shrink a little bit. It becomes actually harder to do the things we could before. And yeah, little by little life contracts in on us. And that's with regards to our fitness, that's with regards to our energy, that's with regards to our skills, our capacity, our connection to our faith, our source, or anything, our ability to socialize, our ability to tolerate challenging circumstances. Once we move out of that, well, that's kind of like that that unchartered territory, that explorative space. It's quite highly challenging. Um, generally speaking, when we're there, we don't know what's next. And so it's disorientating. We can feel sometimes we're lost, but in actual fact, what we're doing is we're expanding. And what's trailing behind that and expanding with this is our comfort zone. That's a great place to be. If we go beyond that, if we over-exert ourselves, we we burn out, we exhaust ourselves, and we have to return to our comfort zone to recharge. If we stay too long, starts to contract. If we stay just the right time and move to our outside there, our kind of zone, I think it's called our zone of proximal development, we get into expand our lives again. I find that theory so interesting. That like what's possible for us is all the time either expanding or contracting. What serves us in terms of our comfort zone serves us to a point until it doesn't serve us anymore. And if we try to over-exert ourselves, we can serve a double negative. It's kind of interesting, these norms, this expansion. But I'm amazed that life is all the time flowing, teaching us, encouraging us. It's like it's at certain times we're encouraged to come back to our nest to recharge. Then by a law of diminishing returns, we're encouraged to move on. As we move on and venture out into the wild, our worlds expand and we're encouraged to do that. If we get a little bit too confident and we jump ahead, manners are put on us and we're brought back. That's that filter just I see so clearly now playing its part all the time in life and putting manners on us to a degree. So, yeah, I think life is always teaching us, life is always serving us, and it's just how much do we want to actually just see it for what it is and actually uh work with it rather than, for example, say get lazy and think we're think we're serving ourselves in our comfort zone when in actual fact we're shrinking our worlds, or try to rush things along too much, and in actual fact we're holding ourselves back.
SPEAKER_00:I'm really curious. Is that what brought you to Tantra? Um this like expanding out of your comfort zone, or like what is it that created this like curiosity inside of you?
SPEAKER_01:So I I was always a really curious type, and I I tuned into the very masculine motivational side of wellness. So Tony Robbins was my man from a younger year, and I I I tuned it in that philosophy of go, go, go. And if you hit an obstacle, you just work harder and bash through that obstacle. The only thing is that the obstacles get bigger and bigger, and you can only bash through them for so long until they actually bash through you. And I found myself uh pretty, pretty disenfranchised, pretty upset, um, having worked so hard, but in actual fact, really beaten myself up in the process. And uh at a very, let's say, lucky moment, I met this incredible woman who was really initiated into a tantric world. And I I remember, I remember the first time we made love. I was like, I feel like I'm a born-again virgin. I was like, what the hell was that? And I had that moment of being like, I've been kind of having sex, like I think I'm meant to, but based porn based off porn. Yeah, and I actually don't even think I don't even know if I had sex as far as I'm concerned. I think I just pretty much meditated, but that was a greater experience than I've ever experienced before. And I I think in that moment I was like, what the hell is going on here? This is completely inner inner inner regard, turned my world upside down, and I want to learn more. And that curiosity, which at one stage went the very masculine route of harder, harder, harder, like work harder, do harder, more stimulation. Suddenly, a more feminine essence got opened up of hey, you can actually experience more and greater sensitivity in less. And that might be a better serving philosophy for which to approach life from because you've tried the go-go go and crashed, and actually perhaps there's a smarter route forward from here. And um, and I that that definitely sparked a huge curiosity. And then when I came over here, and to be completely honest, I I bumped into women like you or women like Amanda who are these you look, you you're actually kind of like a uh I don't want to say like a running joke because you'll be like, what the hell? But I I don't I hadn't met people before that are like, oh yeah, my whole life is this. And when I met you, your whole life for me, in my perception, was Tantra. You were like, Oh no, no, no, I don't drink. Why? Because I don't want it to distract me from my in my pra practice, and I was like, Yeah, but what about coming to this party and and doing all this stuff? And you're like, no, no, no, no, Jamie, I go to bed at 9 p.m. And I get up at 5 a.m.
SPEAKER_00:Maybe 10.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, and I I was like, okay, and and I'd never met, like I I actually had, sorry, in school, there were the rugby players whose lives were all about rugby, and that's all they did, and kind of society wrapped its arms around them and said, You're great. But I hadn't seen it, for example, sake, with regards to meditators, to Tantricas, who, hey, this is my life, this is what I do, and for me, it was fascinating. Like, there's also like the crypto bros that their lives revolve around crypto or the gym bros, that there's all sorts of people here. But when I came over and met, like, oh, you've spent 10 years dedicated to this space, you've been running around the world learning from the best teachers you can. What does that look like? I'm I'm a big believer that like you can um you can stand on the shoulders of giants and see things from a whole new perspective very quickly. And so when I meet somebody that, for example, is living their path, I want to get to know them. I want to learn as much from them. So I think I had that one gifted, let's say, moment that set off a whole line of curiosity. And then from that moment, I was like, right, I want to, I want to learn as much as I can. But it was really discerning. Like I remember we went to a workshop with somebody in um Osho's lineage, and I hated it. And I love that like one thing that certainly has been in my path is like a huge curiosity, but at the same time, a great level of discernment and a recognition of what works for one person might not necessarily work for the other. And so I can look on and admire, say, for example, like you, and I'd be like, Oh, I love these elements of her. I want to learn that stuff. And I recognize she sacrificed a hell of a lot in other regards. And I perhaps might recalibrate things a bit differently for me. Um, but it's so like here has been a gift to see these, let's say, uh inspiring people that dedicate their lives to their practice, one of which is obviously yourself.
SPEAKER_00:And I think what you just said is so empowering, and this is what for me is so important when people come in my spaces or when they come in my trainings. I always say, don't believe anything I say. This is what I've learned, this is what I've practiced, this is what I know through direct experience in my own body to be through. Now you go and try it for yourself. And everybody is so literally physical body is so different in physical constitution, but also their energy is different, their emotional level is different, their mental level operates different, their like spiritual signature is different. So, one of the things that you said, I just really love because this is the number one thing that I always share. It's like, this is for you, this is here to empower you. Find what works for you, leave what doesn't, and and then it's like you take the power back in your own life. And I remember very often people say, like, oh, but I want to I want to come to your workshop, it's about sexuality, but I don't have a partner and I don't have a lover, so I'm gonna wait. And I'm like, don't wait. I started this journey, I didn't have a partner, I wasn't in a relationship, and this journey isn't about then being in a relationship and doing this together, because then it often becomes about the other. Actually, the most empowering thing is to just start this for you and to do this as a practice that empowers you as an individual and then bring it to someone else. And the way that you got kind of initiated into Tantra, this is what happens a lot. Because men, this path is full of women. Because for women, it's like finally I get to feel, I get to connect with my intuition, there's something more to life. Because that work hard, play hard doesn't work for many women. We live in a patriarchal society, not in a matriarchal society. So when women start to discover tantra, that's much more about connection and about the body. Women have a natural sensitivity that opens really fast, and then what happens? They meet these gorgeous men like yourself, they make love, and then men are like, oh my god, this is so different. I actually want more of that. And this is how women become initiatrices. And this path is really a path that is initiated by women. And this is what I love so much, because then I hear stories of men like you that years later are like, wow, that one lovemaking experience really touched me. And now you're on this path yourself. And this is why I love so much empowering women to, yeah, first and foremost, you empower yourself. And then through that, so many men get initiated in this path, and then it part sparks something that propels them on their own journey.
SPEAKER_01:I remember, I remember a uh a friend's partner was like, Oh, Jamie, that's very creepy, you doing this work. I can imagine all these predatorial men sitting in a container with some very innocent women being taken advantage of. And I was like, How crazy that you have that image. An actual fact, to be completely transparent, a part of me would actually say there's an opposite side to it. Yeah. Like when I sit in some of those containers, there may be a 10 to 1 ratio of women to men. And there are very strong women who are very grounded in their desires, in their presence, in their connection with themselves. And as men, we're not really actually taught a lot of that. We're not taught a lot about boundaries. In my school, we were taught to be men for others, to put others before ourselves. And so actually walking into those containers, it's it's quite an interesting one that like it took me a lot of work to not be taken advantage of, to look after myself. And I thought it was funny that if ever I shared my experiences, people would think that they would all have this idea that the men in those spaces can be predatorial. And it's like, actually, no, there's huge learning for a lot of men in those spaces. And it's it the key thing that you noted there was that it's like it's not as if a lot it's very male-dominated, a male-run, a male initiated. It's like, no, this is actually female essence and energy, like at the heart of it, we're talking subtle body versus hard. And and yeah, it's led initiated and uh and owned over in that regard. There's also a very particular reason, by the way, why I chose I really wanted to interview you in this regard. Um, and it's exactly the point that you just made there that you're like, look, this is an individual experience. I'll share what works for me. Please take everything with a pinch of salt. And in the safety of this container, I want you to figure out what works for you and to blossom as individuals rather than kind of conform to certain ideas or lineages. There's a the what I've actually found is or what I kind of almost reject is when somebody's like, you need to do this and it needs to be this way, and you hold your breath for this many seconds and you do that and the next. And then I understand that those kind of thoughts work, but they don't feel like they're I think they work to a degree. But what I appreciate in terms of what you're sharing is you're saying, hey, this works to a degree, make it your own. And that's what makes up that missing element, and that's how you truly embody, and that's how you truly lead. And I think that's what's so important is that if you are working to learn a philosophy, you're let's say working to learn something that perhaps is external to you. Whereas if you're making a philosophy your own and you're tapping into what works for you and being discerning in terms of what doesn't, you're actually building independence. So independence versus dependence. And I think there's real strength versus vulnerability. Does that weigh up on your side?
SPEAKER_00:Yeah. Yeah. And I've been there. I've been in the very masculine and rigid practices and where it was, okay, I'm following this very strong methodology and tantric practices. And I've I've been there, and I'm really happy that I did build that foundation. And there were times where I was facilitating, it's like, okay, and we're gonna do these strong practices and you know, and all these mudras and bandas and holding the breath and bringing. And at a certain point, I realized, like, wait, this is rigid. Now I am depending on my teacher to always like kind of hold the space for me to tell me what to do. I'm like, this doesn't feel empowering anymore. And the moment that I started to go on my own journey and was like, okay, now I've I've studied with so many teachers, I've lived in so many different communities, I've done practices for so long, I'm like, at this point, I actually trust my own body as a vehicle. Yeah, and now I can go within. And from there, it's like again, I'm not depending on something external to tell me what I need to do or what I need to feel inside of me. And there is a there is a thin line in there because if there's still so much conditioning that that's that's happening, where we're still so conditioned from society from the way that we grew up, it's really hard to determine inside what am I actually feeling, or what is there, or what's real, or what's not, or what's true, or what feels good. So there is there is a level and the practice of re-wilding, I call it re-wilding. In one of the sutras, there's a there's a very beautiful line. The sutras is where the tantric texts are written in. It's nature is wild, and so are you. So if you want to open to the depth of these teachings of Tantra, then you have to go back to nature and be as wild as nature. So, like completely forget everything that you've learned and rediscover your body in a new way. And that initiation is necessary in order to open to the deeper depth of the teachings and come to a place. Actually, now I can trust my body. But that that process of deconditioning is really important to go through first.
SPEAKER_01:Sorry, when you say now I can trust my body, I think it's it's quite interesting what trust and self-care looks like. Like you you gave that insight of coming into a restaurant, and like self-care is this music is actually torturing me. I don't want this music anymore. That's self-care. Actually, I'm not comfy sitting here. I'm gonna sit over here. Self-care, learning to look after yourself. Somebody comes your way that perhaps you're not interested in talking to it. Look, I I appreciate you coming my way, and thank you, but I'm actually having some time and space to myself. So can you please respect that? Self-care. A lot of I I find like a lot of the foundations of my self-care came from this work as well, and communication of learning what feels good for me. Again, I think it's a really interesting thing that for a lot of men, we're taught to to show up for others before ourselves, to put our heads down and just work through it, to actually not listen to what is coming up inside us and just get on with it. And this, these teachings for me were like helped wake up this sense of hey, what feels good, what doesn't feel good. And what was great is that as I started to tune into that, I started to actually recognize it in others and be more accommodating as a result, more sensitive as a result, and and more caring as a result. I think it's a really interesting space. And I think it's a an interesting one. Like, so you could say, hey, the whole Tantra space is controversial. And I have to scratch my head and be like, Well, how have we allowed whatever essence whatever amount of controversy there is deter people from actually learning from it? Like for me, when I had to defend no, I'm not some kind of mad uh creep or something like that by doing this work. This work is actually helping me care for my spirit, my soul, myself all the more, and show up not just as a better partner, but as a better family member, a better friend. And I I can't understand for the life of me how misunderstanding has allowed people very justifiably think, oh, Tantra, that's that's it's just about sex. That's creepy. And oh, I couldn't think of anything worse than sitting in one of those workshops. And it's like, do you know what those workshops actually are? How like because you must get hit with a level of controversy or may have been hit in the years prior. How how do you actually kind of communicate the defense? I suppose.
SPEAKER_00:I don't get it anymore. I uh I definitely hit it in the beginning. Now I feel so rooted and so strong in my message and so standing with everything that I do. I feel I'm not attracting that anymore. And there has been a time where I started to become more and more public about what I was doing and speaking on tantra and speaking on sexuality and speaking on like all these topics that are even labels, oh, but that's so woo-boo, or that's so mystic, or that's so esoteric, or that's not rounded. What's the science behind that? And I've gone through a whole period where I would just get so many call them trolls, um, especially on social media, and just comments and trying to take me down, or like really this like um how do you call it this the word that you just used?
SPEAKER_01:Destructive dehumanizing.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, exactly. And in the beginning it was really challenging. And at a certain point, I was like, why do I not just stay? Because I was teaching yoga before. I was like, why do I not just stay a yoga and a meditation teacher? Because it's way easier, it's way more accepted. It also helps people to connect to their bodies, to their energies, to their hearts. And then I was just there was this deeper, I didn't come to this planet to just teach yoga and meditation. I'm here with such a bigger mission to wake people up to something that I can bring in such a bold, but yeah, very practical way that at a certain point one of my teachers shared with me. It's like Arya, it's like have compassion that their level of consciousness just isn't developed to yeah, really see this bigger picture and that they haven't received access to these teachings. That there is so much of a thick layer of society that we have received. When I started to go really in this practice of compassion and even in blessing, it's like, okay, I'll read those comments and really see, yeah, I see where you're at in your journey. I used to be there one day, I used to be that very skeptical person one day. And this is not about me as a person.
SPEAKER_01:Interesting. Interesting. So it's not about you. Actually, you're like a trigger for them. You're bringing up their fears, their insecurities. When they see their work, it's like, oh, that freezes me, that scares me, and I'm gonna lash out. Um rather than actually open.
SPEAKER_00:Right? It says more about them than it says about me because there's something, because if there's 10 people and five get triggered and five doesn't, then it doesn't say anything. It's it's like, okay, what inside of you is being activated. And often I have had it happen that people were triggered, and a year later they would come back and they would actually join the workshop, and they'd be like, Wow, I realized like something there just got stirred, and then they would come and they're like, This is completely different than what I expected. I thought it was all like your workshops were all gonna be like wild and crazy, but it's actually really deep and touching and sacred and connecting, and and there's all these ideas that build up in people's heart, but when they actually enter the space, there's almost like an exhale and almost there's a homecoming of like, oh.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, I think it's a strange thing why there's so much confidence in judgment. So, like we society, we judge so much, and even to be fair, there's a there's a degree of judgment in terms of like, oh, I was there, I remember that, and you're just not on this journey. I I think it's I think there's like there's different things for different people. We we all have so many different experiences we can live in life, but this idea that one person's experience is superior to someone else's is fascinating. Like I understand there are certain experiences that aren't good for me, and there's certain experiences that are good for me, but they are uniquely different in somebody else. I read somewhere that 25% of the population don't get hangovers, they have different microbiome that allows for them to process alcohol differently. So alcohol is toxic to some, not toxic to some, great for them, lucky for them. But we kind of almost paint ourselves all with the one brush, and a lot of us kind of see the world from our eyes, and so we judge based on like our own internal what's good for us and what's bad for us. And I think more and more, like certainly my work is trying to be like Jamie. This isn't just the world through your eyes, and this isn't just the world through your experience. There are multiple different experiences, there are multiple different routes of the journey. I just I always it's that that judgment I find very challenging, and not just the judgment, but the commentary. Um, but more and more I'm yeah, I'm tuning into this idea that it's like, dude, it's not personal, it's not personal at all. Actually, somebody's judgment says so much more about them than whatever you're up to. If you can look at yourself in the mirror and own what you're up to and feel truly embodied in that space, truly like you're in your authenticity, great, keep going. It might not be for others, it might be for some others, definitely not everyone else. And that's okay. Um, yeah, I kind of have this dream of a world where we're all a little bit more accepting and we're all a little bit more okay. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:And I think it's a really good point. This is not for everyone. This is not for everyone. And this is one of the things that for me is so clear. And if it's not for you, then thank you. And I'm sure that there's something else that resonates more. And I think that's really important. And I've seen a lot of leaders, they're so convinced and so like, okay, and this is it, and I'm preaching this, and everyone needs to get on board with this. And I'm in a place where, like, well, I know this is not for everyone because it's triggering, it's deep, it asks you to like create so much self-awareness to do inner work, to show up differently for yourself and for others. There's a lot of people that don't actually want that. So maybe from the outside the picture seems nice, but when they actually dive in, it's like, oh, this is actually not for me.
SPEAKER_01:It's kind of funny. I'm thinking of this example I gave before. Yeah. Right. But there are bodies that are different. And there are bodies that if you grab an arm tight and you take your hand away and you go to grab it, it will be more sensitive. And there are those bodies that perhaps with the subtle touch, it's like, what even is that? So yeah, the recognition that we're different, there's different types in us. And some practices will work and stimulate for a lineage of people, and to the others, they absolutely don't. Doesn't mean one is better than the other. And yeah, same way as vice versa. It's a lovely one. That that understanding, I think, it brings a hell of a lot of peace. It actually probably takes a huge amount of energy away from the judging eye. You know, how distracting are our judgments? But in factual fact, if we can just recognize we're all individuals, whole different individual experiences. Go out there and be. And for whatever judgment you might get, it's really actually not about you. Don't get distracted by that judgment. That's actually more for them than you. I love that idea sometimes that we we do these meditational practices of uh build a mirror-like uh shield around yourself, and for whatever might be coming your way, let it bounce back to whoever gives it. I think it's really deeply certainly for me, I find it deeply peaceful. If I meditate and imagine, I build a mirror-like sphere around me, and for whatever commentary, whatever judgment might come my way, I just see it deflecting back to them. And in the middle of it, what I find is after I do that practice a little bit, I find myself dancing quite free. And I think, like at the essence of what we've been talking about, it is coming back to that freedom and that playfulness inside ourselves. And I think you know, sometimes we shield ourselves or stiffen ourselves up because of the judgment on others. But let's be really true that at the heart of it, really, it's our judgment of what others are up to that puts us in a certain line. And if we can diffuse that judgment, we give ourselves enormous freedom.
SPEAKER_00:I love that. And a practice that really helps. So that for me is to come more curiosity. So even if someone has like a strong judgment, then most likely there is a curiosity there. There is this mudra that I'm sure you know. If you point one finger to someone else, I'm doing it right now, and I look down, there's three fingers that point back to me. Right? So if I put the shame on you, mudra, I point at you, and then I look back, it's like, hey, wait, there's three fingers pointing back at me. So there is something here that says something about me. So how can I be curious? How can I be curious either about what it triggers inside of me or what it triggers inside of the other? Because then when judgment is transformed into curiosity, then we can actually have a conversation with openness and be like, well, it sounds like this is hitting something inside of you. Are you, you know, are you curious about this somewhere?
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. That's a really interesting thing, I think, about psychology, that the more you you scrape into it, the more you realize that we're all speaking in layers or communicating in layers. And perhaps we're judging, but really what we're doing is we're it's stirring something up in ourselves. And perhaps it's actually highlighting an unmet need or an unmet desire within ourselves. Can I ask you? You're I'm kind of like, I feel quite quite excited actually. You are a woman who has dedicated yourself to your practice. And what I find is that the more we live in a practice, the more we start to develop very efficient tools that bring about whatever it is that we want for ourselves. And so let's say somebody's listening on to this, and let's say somebody is trying to feel more freedom in themselves, and they are trying to perhaps light up their sensual and sexual experience. And in actual fact, they've heard rumors of like the superpowers that you can get when you start to really slow down and tune into yourself. What do you do for yourself that like brings about the most efficient return?
SPEAKER_00:I mean what I do for myself to really slow down and feel more? Is that your exact question?
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, and what what you might share with others that if they were listening onto this and they were like, oof, okay, I'd like to sample a little bit of this work. What might that look like?
SPEAKER_00:I like to start with a little bit of this work.
SPEAKER_01:Oh. Sorry, I got distracted there for a second. But I know that you like if somebody was looking to start, if they felt almost quite intrigued by what we've been sharing, yeah, and they were like, what would be an interesting starting point for me? Um, and that's kind of leaning off the edges of some of the practices that you've developed that work really efficiently for you and bring about like it's the simplest thing to do, but it brings about the most efficient return.
SPEAKER_00:Actually, it really ties into what we just spoke about. It's become aware of your judgments and where you judge. Because I want to start in this journey, I want to start with myself. And a lot of this actually starts in the mind. Our mind, for both the tantra but also for sexuality, our mind is our biggest sex organ. It can work for us and it can work against us. So if I start with a practice of becoming aware of where am I judging and start to create more awareness of that, where does it say something about me and where can I actually start to turn that around and come with more curiosity? And for me, that practice alone has shifted so much. So in the beginning, I noticed that I was judging so many things outside of myself and how much that was actually saying about me. And when I started to come with a shift of more curiosity towards life and more curiosity towards the judgments that are happening, then my whole attitude already started to be more receptive, started to be more open, started to be more, oh wait, I can start to look at life in different ways. And I would say that's one of the first, the first practices starts in the mind and starting to understand like where am I judging? Where where can I be more open to life, literally more open to life? Because when my mind is still closed, then I can never let my body open to feel more. So the mind needs to be open first and foremost. And what I would yeah, really invite into is to spend time with your body. Like there's three pillars of tantric embodiment, it's breath, sound and movement. So if you can take from time to time in life just a pause and a breath and feel what type of sensations are happening and what's going on, and even like move with that and just like exhale with a sound and start to create more of these moments of awareness. These are simple ways. It's like, oh, I become aware of my mind and I become aware of my body. And these are practices that you can do throughout the entire day. They might sound simple and they're super profound when this awareness is being created.
SPEAKER_01:Okay, so let me explore that a little bit. So, what I'm kind of hearing first and foremost there is that for whatever it is that I might be judging, rather than indulging in that judgment, I actually get curious about that judgment and ask myself, why am I judging the way I am? What is that actually perhaps bringing up in me? Am I perhaps deflecting and allowing myself to be distracted when in actual fact the very thing I'm judging is perhaps something I'm a little bit more curious about? And if I am curious, perhaps I might give myself a bit of space to explore that curiosity. One, and then two, is actually just to take moments to perhaps slow myself down, to tune into my body and away from my head. And that might be as simple as just literally practicing a breath in, feeling that breath come into my body, expand my lungs, and then almost tune into the relaxation and the relief that comes when I release my lungs and breathe back out again. And that simple practice of just tuning into that sensitivity that's there for us. Well, the more you tune into that sensitivity, the more sensitivity you'll garner. And then for whatever it is that you might do additionally and enjoy additionally, that practice will lend itself to it. Lovely. So it's so simple. This stuff doesn't need to be complicated, and perhaps you don't need to travel around the world to venture into it. You can do this very privately, very uh and very simply, and start to scratch the surface and begin your journey.
unknown:Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah. And I feel having an open mind is the very first start for this. All right, because there's so much more possible. So if there is this feeling of like, oh my god, I have the feeling there's more, there's more to my life. Kind of feel like I'm in a routine or I'm in the same thing, I'm gonna explore something new, something that like, yeah, brings more juice to life in many ways. Like, this is an amazing way to start.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. They say the greatest prisons are the ones we don't even know we're in. And the easiest way to figure out what prison you are actually in is what you allow yourself, what you allow in your thoughts, your beliefs, and what's on the other side of that. Because we kind of live within a lens, and those boundaries are perhaps a prison in some regards. And so if we can get a little bit curious on the other side and take them down, we start to really expand our world. Not necessarily because we want to indulge in all aspects of it, but why live in one frame when we can open our minds and our ideas and our lives to a whole more round of perspective? Lovely. Ari, thank you so much for coming in and having a chat.
SPEAKER_00:Thank you. It's been uh it's been fun to be here.
SPEAKER_01:If somebody is inspired, if somebody's like, wow, this is this is interesting and I'd love to connect with you more. What's the best way to do that?
SPEAKER_00:Instagram. That's where I'm most active.
SPEAKER_01:Okay, perfect.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, I don't know. It'll probably be somewhere below or above or to the sides, but if not, it's A-R-J-A is my name, underscore and then Hendrix, and you write that with a KX. That's where I'm most active. And yeah, if there's if there's a desire, you don't have to already travel across the world and join in person. We also have online memberships, and you can literally start from your own home. So that's something that I would recommend to see how is this landing for me? Is this something that sparks something inside of me?
SPEAKER_01:So just on that, like you've built an online school in this regard, you're doing retreats in Europe, you're doing retreats in Southeast Asia, you're speaking at conferences all around the world, and you're now actually building your own kind of center HQ here in Bali as well, right?
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, we're building the uh the Institute for Embodied Leadership here in Bali, where a lot of the practices are going to be rooted in Tantra. So it's a training center, but it's also going to be a residential village. It's called Temple Village. So people that are in this mindset that are like, I don't want to live in this like fast culture and like yeah, where everything feels buzzy, buzzy, but busy, right? Yeah, busy. English is not my first language. And I actually want to live so much closer with nature and people that have yeah, this similar way of viewing life. So there's there's a residency there, people can actually live there. It's gonna be a community hub for people that want to pass through. And maybe by the time that you're listening to this, it's already existing and you can come and visit us in Valley.
SPEAKER_01:I think it's just really important to note that at the end because I think a lot of people might say, Oh, I don't have time for that. I don't have time for this work. And and some people might suggest that like a really, you know, overindulging in this world might be distractive to career. It's a really inspiring thing when somebody builds a career out of what they love. And what they love uh stimulates them, grows them, shares with so many others, and does really well in the process as well. And I think there's this new breed of entrepreneurs in the wellness space. Like there used to be an idea of oh, anybody in wellness, they're hippies and they're living hand to mouth. And it's like, no, no, no, no. There's a new breed of entrepreneurs out there in the wellness space that are highly embodied, doing seriously well and serving a greater impact at the same time as well. And I think you embody that. So I think credit to you, real credit to you. Thank you. And we'll see you again soon.
SPEAKER_00:Thank you.
SPEAKER_01:Pleasure.